Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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