is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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