I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
