I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize