I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
