By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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