Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think my fart just growled at me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
