Small penises have feelings too.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
