Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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