we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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