These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
