are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
