That's intense
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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