I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
