i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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