Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
