I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Randomize