perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
