What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
