My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
