my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
