im holly from the hills drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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