pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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