Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
