eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
