Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
