Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
