dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Help. Why am I so naked?
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