Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
