apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
