I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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