is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
