That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize