dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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