when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
