You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
