DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The uberlube is also flammable
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
