im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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