Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
