Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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