Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
