Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
