Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
