There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
