Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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