so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
