It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
