I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
