Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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