Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
