Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
