did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
