haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
