I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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