I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
