susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
