You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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