He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
