is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize