Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
