Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize