The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
