i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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