Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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