You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
