She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
