we have pet lesbian snakes
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
