M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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